Memoirs of Moi

Hi again!

2009-10-28T12:15:00.000-07:00

So where were we? Oh yeah, talking about my wannabes and gonnabes… and finally what I became! Ok… so after a short long while I’m back into action. You must have got the basic character of my ‘self’ by now. Yes, you guessed it right – Laziness! And that’s why I was away from you for so long. Lazy to write, lazy to post. That explains everything.

I’d told you in the previous posts that I wanted to be an airhostess and how I happened to become a software engineer and been living a life that I’d never thought of. Again, after these 3 years of IT life I suddenly realised that this wasn’t the purpose of my life, to sit and code or to sit and test! Finally, perturbed and frustrated, I called up this air hostess training school and asked about the details to enroll. What they said nearly gave me a heart attack. No it wasn’t the fee structure as you thought, though it gave me a little shock too. With lots of expectations, I listened to their lecture for half an hour, about the school, about how they give training there and lastly, the guarantee of 100% placement. And then… they asked me the question which put an end to the ‘fire’ in me, how old am i. I said politely and calmly that I just turned 25 and there was a silence at the other end. I could smell something there and soon could find out that it was the confusion of losing a customer and making the customer unhappy saying that you are over the age limit! But somehow she managed to continue talking,putting her words in some other way. She said “oh, Ma’am that will never be a problem cuz even if the upper age limit is 24, we can provide training to you too. Just that some airlines prefer girls of young age, so we cant guarantee you of the placement very soon after the course but certainly you’ll be placed if you’re a student here.”

By now, my heart had already sunk. For the first time in my life I had the realisation that I’m aged. No gray hair, no wrinkles but aged!

The Bold and the Emotional

2008-02-06T04:34:00.001-08:00

I always wanted to be a strong and bold woman when I grow up. An independent woman who can withstand all challenges in life; who can take up all responsibilities and a woman who still cares about everyone. I have had a good role model for this, my mother, who has been dauntless and dependable, as well as caring and yielding. When mom gets bugged with me she used to say, “If you cry like this there won’t be any tears left when your mom and dad die”. This would immediately put a stop to my tears. I always had eerie thoughts about this. I thought that it would be the end of my life… when my parents quit. And with thoughts like that running through my head, I'll start crying again.

Admittedly, I was a pampered child, but there was no mercy for me when it comes to obedience and discipline. Both mom and dad used to punish me whenever I was up to some mischief. And that’s how I have become so regimented now (I know why you are laughing... you don’t believe me right? I’m damn sure I’m no spoiled brat!! So stop giggling and go on reading) Not being able to bear my moaning, dad would get irritated and ask me to shut up and stop crying. I’ll get petrified by that and will be trying hard to control sobbing. And then one day, my mom caught me telling someone how my mom and dad 'beats me' and my dad asks me to 'shut up' whenever I cry. She was heartbroken when she heard this.
I had always thought that moms and dads will never cry.
I remember my first day in College. I went along with my mom. It was the first time I was going to be away from home. Mom was supposed to drop me there and then return home. I had my new clothes, books, bed, pillow and almost everything to start a new life there in the hostel. We reached there and everything was perfect. I had all my formalities done and the time came for mom to leave. I became so upset and tears broke out. To my astonishment, she started weeping so terribly that for a while, I forgot to cry. I suggested that we’ll have breakfast from canteen before we parted. We did not know where the canteen was, so we had to ask the receptionist. She looked at us, two teary eyed women, a look of pity, and then directed us towards the backside of the college building. While we were having breakfast I told mom that I’ll also come home with her and then come back to college after two days. She agreed. The moment the decision was changed we felt relieved. On the way back in train we were both laughing heartily over the look we got from the receptionist. Mom said that considering the fact that we were simply asking where the canteen was, she may have thought that we were actually crying out of hunger!!!
I like to be daring, bold and smart. And physically, people would think I am. Often I try not to cry, particularly in front of others. But that usually ends up in a disaster. The tales I have about my tears are not few. If I get sad, I'll cry. If I get REALLY happy... I'll cry... The weirdest part is... if I get angry, I'll still cry!! My tear glands are apparently so sensitive that tears are the instinctive response to any and every emotion. It's not something I can control. There's no rhyme or reason what I cry for. In hostel I cried because I wanted to go home, in college I cried because I fought with my friends, at home I cried for not going back to college again... And it went on and on and on. In fact, I have become a fine performer by this time. And the dream of becoming bold remains a dream!!!

Que Sera Sera

2008-02-06T04:32:00.000-08:00

I have not become what I wanted to become. From childhood I was longing to be an air-hostess, a profession about which I had no idea in the beginning. I had no one among my friends/relatives circle who had taken up this career. Everybody around me discouraged me when I said I wanted to fly around the world like airhostesses do. But little did I know how hectic and dreary the profession would be. Till 12th standard I clinged on to this idea tightly. Soon after that I realized that this was not the purpose of my life… I started preparing for entrance exam and in turn became a software engineer. And now I’m sitting in this cubicle of my life, writing this blog, having nothing else to do.

I was an average student in my school days and out of the blue, I became fairly intelligent… Don’t ask me how. Even I don’t know. Till I joined engineering, I had never flunked in any of the subjects. But after joining, I started to flunk at least for one paper in a semester. My life was changed when I went to engineering college. Being the one and only child of my parents I had never been away from my parents till then. Within few days I became so well-known in the hostel and college because of my home sickness. I used to howl standing in the hostel corridor when my parents call from home (Hi hi… this is a secret to be kept by whoever reads). I still feel the bitterness of those tears which I have shed in anguish.

I had a lot of friends since childhood. In college too I was among a bunch of good friends. I loved them all devotedly and they loved me too (That’s my perception..!) They pacified me in times of trouble. And everything changed, by the time we completed those four years. We did not know that the time has arrived for parting and that now we had to start the real journey of life, towards our own destinations.

Marks were not so bad so I managed to get a job in a renowned software MNC. This was another turning point in my life but this time the change was drastic. From a happy going college girl to a software professional, the transition was a little bit tiring. I was totally unaware of how the IT world would be… and the moment I realized it, I cursed myself for changing my decision after 12th standard. I know you might be thinking now… that “The other side of the grass is always greener”. And that’s absolutely true!!